Zombie at the Pool

Following on from the water themed Zombie in the Water (http://bit.ly/zombiescantswim) I wanted to look a little more specifically at Zombie in the Pool which causes a couple of different issues to the blog listed above.

Pools are generally much shallower than rivers or the sea and thus zombies can wade in them. Zombies are generally slow moving and clumsy BUT the zombie's stance (arms raised) may actually help them to balance in the same way that orang-utans  are skilled at wading. You may find you are more hindered than they are.

But in a swimming pool there are rules. No petting, no running and no eating brains.

Here's how to make sure that your bloodthirsty assailant doesn't break rule number 3.

Higher function destroying blood infection:

Sweet zombie killing kit!

I hope you're wearing goggles.Getting blood in your eyes or in the pool is a guaranteed way of making people dead. You need to make sure the pool is evacuated before getting zombie blood in there, if the pool's pH was correct and the chlorine applied correctly it should kill any blood born virus on contact. But let's be honest. Can you trust pool staff in the event of a zombie apocalypse? No, I didn't think so either. Plus, the pH balance will be off if there's been an excess of peeing in the pool.

Methods of destroying a brain in the pool are limited as everything is designed to stop children falling and fracturing their skulls... with one exception.

The Diving Board

Image courtesy of Fever Ray

This is your best bet for brain destruction of a shuffling menace. Lure them to the high-dive board and execute the world's most amazing over the shoulder throw straight onto the floor of the pool below.

Risen from the dead:

With this zombie the same method will work and you don't need to worry about infection! Quids in!

Fast moving / rage infected zombie:

It dived straight in the pool and started devouring victims. You have managed to drag yourself far enough away to watch the carnage unfold.You need to act fast. A net or pool scoop may buy others in the vacinity some time to escape - putting the net over the zombies head and dragging it about a bit may help but as they're so strong you're quite likely to end up in the pool yourself.

Pool cover.

If possible what you need is a pool cover to trap the zombie under. If the pool has one of these get them to run it across to make the water the undead's prison. When it is in place you can walk along to the point where the zombie is with something big and heavy such as a fire extinguisher and donk the raised point in the pool cover with considerable force until it is no longer standing (correct fire extinguisher wielding protocol coming soon to the YouTube channel)

No pool cover?

Ah, what you need is a number of floats tied together on a rope (most pools have these to cordon off a slow swimmer and fast swimmer lane) so you can float them around the zombie in a circle and then pull the rope between the pool steps until the head is separated from the body or until the zombie is immobilised by being tied between the two solid points by its neck.





And finally...
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Don't go changing, or I might have to hit you with a shovel
Al